About Emotionally-Focused Therapy
My work with relationships draws on the practice of Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT). I use on EFT in my work because evidence suggests that it’s the most effective relationship therapy, by a wide margin. So, when a friend of mine needs individual therapy, I tell them: “different modalities work for different people, you might need to try a few different things,” etc. But when friends are in relationship distress, I only recommend EFT
EFT is rooted in the well-established science of adult attachment. EFT supports you to develop secure attachment with your partner(s), friend or family member. Rather than simply analysing or interpreting what’s going wrong in your communication, or offering strategies for ‘how to communicate better’, we engage your bodies and emotions in ways that rewire your nervous system, so that you can truly experience your partner as a source of safety, comfort and support
You don’t have to decide now if EFT is right for you. Book a free 20-minute intro call with me, we can discuss your exact situation and work out what will be most helpful for you.
What might a course of EFT look like?
This is an example of how therapy might look, so you understand what to expect. Please keep in mind that your particular needs will vary, and we will continually modulate the process so it fits with your situation
Week 0: You book an intro call with me. We get a sense of each other and decide if we’re a good match for therapy. It’s best if everyone who wants to take part in therapy (both/all partners, friends or family members), is present for this call
Week 1: In our first session together, you take me through the story of your relationship: how you met, what you like about each other, what’s working well, what your challenges are, what’s brought you to therapy now
Week 2: I meet each of you separately, for individual sessions. We talk about the relationship from your point of view, and how the relationship fits into your life history/family history. If relevant, we may discuss things that you’re struggling to share with your partner
Weeks 3-7: De-escalation and stabilisation. We tune into moments of struggle and conflict. We start to map out the negative interactional cycle or pattern that is keeping you stuck in disconnection. We start to plant some seeds of hope
Weeks 8-12: Re-engagement and softening. We actively interrupt the cycle by connecting with the vulnerable, genuine emotions that underlie it. We facilitate moments of lasting reconnection and deep mutual understanding in session
Weeks 12+: Consolidation
Please keep in mind that the number of sessions required varies considerably. Emotionally-Focused Therapy can have surprisingly quick effects, for example, significant change within just ten sessions. However, where there is complexity in one’s attachment history or presence of early life trauma, the process can be multi-stage and take considerably longer. As part of commencing counselling, we will discuss your individual circumstances, goals and expectations